I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize