I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
It's official drugs can't kill me
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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