I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
