I want to make a zoo with you.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
