Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
third nipple confirmed
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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