Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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