i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
