I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
