i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
