In the future we'll all be gay
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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