I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
