If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
he thought i was a dude.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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