I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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