I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Did we literally take a cab across the street
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
