it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
