I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
