He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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