we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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