Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
