the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
