I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I need a beard to bite.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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