I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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