...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
