So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
