my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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