I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
whose ass print is on the piano?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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