On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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