about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
