first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
