I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
