So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
