I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
where am i from again
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
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