Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
