Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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