This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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