no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
We're too hungover to prance.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Damn victory sex feels great
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
