I have demons in me.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
