I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
