So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
