i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Well I just put wine in my tea
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
did i just pee glitter
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
