We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
