Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
