Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
