Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
