bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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