i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
