i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
