we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
