wrigley field is MILF paradise
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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