Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Randomize
