I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize