dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
