is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
last night I used snow as a chaser
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
