Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
