so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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