Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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