Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize