omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
How external is "for external use only"?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Randomize
