I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
