You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize