you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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