There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
