Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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