So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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