Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
