I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
