So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
