omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
