Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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