She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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