Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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