Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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