I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
