try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
