I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
