Your dad touched me again.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
