would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
