Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
